why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
