OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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