So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
