I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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