How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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