Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dick very happy bro
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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