i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
