i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
