Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
