They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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