Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
