that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
bring money and cleavage
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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