What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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