I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
