Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
