when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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