It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
