i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
