Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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