Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
