I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
