i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
