Got a toothbrush?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
