i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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