Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
