Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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