just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
