How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
