shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
