Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
