He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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