All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
