The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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