she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize