someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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