It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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