I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My hand turned me down
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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