i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
