Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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