drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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