Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
