mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
