I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
