dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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