I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
