so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
