She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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