she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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