She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
