I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
