Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
