My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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