I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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