this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
