I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
