I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
