Got a toothbrush?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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