It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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