I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
