Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
