Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she looked like the before picture.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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