listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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