So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
did i just pee glitter
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
