I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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