Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you had me at cake vodka
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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