well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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