If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
