Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
