these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
