A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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