She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
