this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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